Saturday, December 31, 2011

FEAST OF FOOLS

The Feast of Fools was like this medieval New Year's celebration in many European countries that had origins in the Roman Saturnalia festival. Since feudalism was strong in many places at that time, and church and state were powerful...it is strange that during the Feast of Fools traditional hierarchy was diminished. Lowly peasants were raised in power and bishops and magnates were mocked. It was a temporary amnesty to rigid rules and a time to lose your shit and have fun.

A central theme of the FoF was that people would elect a fake priest and give him a silly title such as the Abbot of Unreason, Boy Bishop, Archbishop of Dolts, Pope of Fools, Lord of Misrule. He would lead the madness and partying. There would be feasting (of course, it's in the name!) music and dance, very likely drunkenness, skits and cross dressing and all forms of tomfoolery. The craziest part is most of this transpired right inside of the church, right on consecrated ground! Many a time things bordered on dangerous sacrilege and blasphemy.   It's interesting to note psychologically what would cause a society to start up a fest such as this. The natural and easy theory would be to say it was a mass outlet for widespread repression and sternness. People must have had much need for this for quite some time, as the fest wasn't officially banned until the year 1431, by the Council of Basel. I say we bring this back. Well, as far as drunk partying and letting loose, that still has survived for New Year's celebrations to this day. But let's get all the old trappings and conventions out like they were, even making asses of ourselves right inside of a church! Rules are made to be broken!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Ass-trollop-gy: This month (December)


Here is your horrorscope or whore-o-scope or zodiac (killer) or prediction or predilection or whatnot, for this whole month. Since there is only a day left (I procrastinated) the following is what will happen on this day:

~Aries. You will be approached by a Greek farmer with 5 teeth and he will ask you which way to 'the village' as he tucks his soap opera flyer deep into his stinky hairy armpit, soiling the image of Brenda Barrett.


~Taurus. You will dump into the toilet a lemon squash stew given to you by your great niece, realizing it has turned into a biological warfare experiment in the back of your fridge. The splashback from the toilet water will fly in your face, giving you a rare disease known as 'Schemp's Crusader Syndrome.'

~Gemini. You will cough in great fits, and then they won't fit. You will solemnly swear to quit smoking once and for all as your New Year's Resolution, but then you'll remember you never started smoking.


~Cancer. You will get your namesake (cancer) and freak out over the diagnosis. By Monday it'll blow over after a few bowls of chicken soup with donut sprinkles on top.


~Leo. When you wake up in the morning, you'll have a strange urge to wash your face with whiskey. This will cause someone to brand you as an alcoholic, and you'll cry uncontrollably like a baby for 3.5 hours at this accusation. At that, the culmination, an old crow will fly over and shit on your forehead, cleansing your Third Eye and bringing you luck and prosperity for the coming year.


~Virgo. You'll watch Cheers reruns in your basement until the Taxman bangs on your door. You'll invite him in and feed him lobster and the lobster will animate and crawl off the plate. You'll spend the rest of the year looking for this magic lobster and your old tax receipts.


~Libra. Everyone around you will start fighting like they usually do. When a toy is thrown and it hits your midget uncle Tommy in the tooth, you go postal and decide all those years of balancing and mediating and peacekeeping were worth shit pie. You'll pull out your secret gun collection and test it on anyone who comes up from behind your couch, you know, the couch with the ugly floral pattern blanket on it.


~Scorpio. You smoke some cinnamon and it hurts your throat. You rub peppermint oil on your nose and stare through a strange purple crystal. Then you eat some hallucinogenic pepperoni and grow a scorpion's tail, of which you sting yourself to death with.


~Sagittarius. You instantaneously decide to have sex with everything in sight-chairs, lampposts, people, dogs, cats, fish, food, newspapers, wall sockets, balls of yarn, Playstation Portable consoles..
You adopt a cat named Tamarind and sell it to the circus in exchange for more condoms.


~Capricorn. Upon eating a particularly delicious fondue made from one of Rod Stewart's melted coats, you dance naked in the streets screaming "hallelujah! I ate through his mind!!" at the stroke of midnight. A hooker dressed as a nun offers to keep you warm inside her veil. She turns out to be a he, and he turns out to be an undercover police officer.


~Aquarius. You decide to start a plumbing business with a friend where the two of you will dress up as Mario and Luigi. The gimmick does well for business despite none of you having any prior plumbing training and flooding most people's houses. When word spreads enough, Nintendo corporation attempts to sue for using their 'trademarks'.


~Pisces. You punch a brick wall until your hand turns into a squid tentacle. Then you get sleep deprivation for 561 days and join a Buddhist monastery. You are the inspiration for the new koan: What is the sound of one tentacle writhing?


~Ophiuchus. This is some new sign that wasn't there before or something. What you'll do is start the World Ophiuchus Awareness Network Encapsulating Lively Landmark Yesses (the plural of yes) or WOA NELLY. You'll also start a campaign to make yesses an official word, called Just Say Yes to Yesses.

This is the new sign, Ophiuchus. It's a dude strangling his pet snake...

Friday, December 23, 2011

SANTA / SATAN

Santa Claus is the Devil! Ever notice the resemblance? The first and most obvious thing is how close the names are- SANTA, SATAN. Sometimes Santa is called Saint Nick, ever heard Old Nick as a euphemism for the Devil Himself? Both are prominently red in their popular respective images.


In fact, the whole image of Santa as a fat bastard in a red and white suit was allegedly created by the Coca Cola corporation. They had so many ads over the years depicting him as a heavy (coke) drinker. Coke, though delicious, is evil. It rots your teeth and stomach, it makes you hyper and keeps you awake more than you ought to be. They use that shit to clean up highway spills and polish silver. It's hardcore. What better way for the Devil to have yet another tentacle of control than by working through one of the most popular and evil companies in the world today?


Check the history. The company has been accused of violating human rights and racial discrimination. People have literally been murdered in coke factories! Coca Cola has contributed to mass environmental degradation including creating water shortages, large amounts of waste, and high incidences of chemicals (many carcinogenic) in certain areas. Don't let their recent smarmy 'save the polar bears' ads fool ya. They made polar bears sort of mascots for their product especially around this time of year, and the ultimate goal is marketing and sheer greed. In WWII, Coca Cola continued to keep their German branches open and try to sell their product to the 'enemy', making money the bottom line. Why they didn't just spike the drinks for some advantage in the war is beyond me (quick, all of Germany has explosive .12 gauge paint-the-walls diarrhea! Storm them with their pants down!) And yes, far back enough, Coca Cola really did have cocaine in it. Gotta get the masses hooked!


But enough on Coke specifically, back to Santa (aka) SATAN. Corporate greed and capitalism both exist well beyond just the parameters of a popular soft drink. All of this is rampant around Christmastime. It was supposed to be about the supposed birth of Jesus, spending time with family and friends, the spirit of giving. But do you go to sit on Jesus's lap at the mall? No, you sit on that fatass Santa Claus's disgusting leg. Jesus is about giving through the spirit, Santa has become all about shallow giving through material things. I also bet like half the shopping mall Santas out there are like pedophiles or something.  So we have this time of year where people spend tons of cash on crappy decorations and motifs and presents, in the 'spirit' of giving. There are incidentally tons of screaming cranky kids and burned out parents losing their patience. I actually heard in the mall the other day a little girl whining and fussing, and her uggerly pigloaf of a  mum told her in a stern tone- 'if you don't behave, Santa won't bring you presents. Santa doesn't like bad little kids.' It's a form of blackmail or bribery. The only motivation for good behavior is to get stuff, not the goodness in itself. People also have to feel like assholes if they don't buy presents, especially if they receive them. The economy slumps shortly after Xmas and people fall into retarded levels of debt, if they weren't already there.


Santa and the Devil both use deception and the appearance of goodness as their main weapons to trick people. They both exercise supernatural powers. How else can Santa make rounds for all those houses around the world in one night? Only through the form of mass consumerism, globalization, and all that modern world overly corporate heartless bullshit.  How else does such a man of great girth fit through a chimney? The deer might as well be hellhounds, the elves demonic little imps. Rudolph's nose is probably red because he drank too much. And who would suspect a fiery hell in the least fiery place of all, the North Pole?


Christmas has roots in being moved to coincide with Pagan Winter Solstice rituals, in an effort to convert the 'evil' pagans to Christianity. It has been a similar feat with Easter, or the day Sunday becoming the new Sabbath. It's what I call untrue Christianity with too much politics in the mix, it's 'convert these filthy pagans at all costs.' The real birth of Jesus was probably sometime in the Spring. So Christmas already starts on bad footing with this political agenda and a false form of Christianity. Even if you are not Christian, the spirit of Christian giving is simple, and you can be kind and generous and do the Lord's work whether his name is stamped on it or not. People have lost this meaning. Even the original Saint Nick was probably nothing like the gluttonous Santa Claus we see today. It's all just party and eat yourself sick, spend money frivolously, put up tacky plastic decorations, hide from the cold and leave the homeless out there, and cheer for some obese loser in a red suit. Fuck Santa!

Hahaha.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Real Face of Old Man Winter

Several years ago in Lake Stevens, Washington State..a face showed up in an icicle formation..it looked just like an old man. The true countenance of Jack Frost/Old Man Winter? Was it naturally formed, or did anyone think of the possibility an ice sculptor had at it?



Thursday, December 15, 2011

Dreamchase #3


So the dream I had was a large booksale at a local church. This happens in 'real' life about once a year and I've scored many great books there, including some of those Ãœber  ones from the TIME-LIFE book series Mysteries of the Unknown (pictured below):


I felt something of importance pulling me there. When I awoke I went about my day as usual but I made plans to go to this church. It was all locked up, but I found weird inscriptions of graffiti like so:  13e Demi-Brigade de Légion Étrangère  and also : le pen C. de Gaulle  

So I searched on these leads and found the translated French (it's definitely French for those who can't tell) to be:
13th Foreign Legion Demi-Brigade

and

Le Pen as a name (likely to mean Jean-Marie Le Pen, a current French politician) and C. de Gaulle, another name...Charles De Gaulle (the French General during WWII--- OR his grandson living now).

 So, am I like Neo in the Matrix following the sign of the white rabbit? Or am I just a silly man chasing...nothing? The point is, if it were the former, I'd do well to keep up all this dreamchasing for my own good and enlightenment. If it's the case of the latter, by that very thought it could be argued ALL life is just chasing nothing, in vain. What's to say me getting a degree in economics will give me more opportunities than following weird signs in dreams? It surely can't hurt. Sometimes all meaning assigned is all we assign from our minds in the end. It means what we want it to mean, no one can argue otherwise right? So from these signs, I'm still stumped where to go next. Do I try and join the French Foreign Legion and serve in some exotic locale??




The Man On The Horse Is Also God


dumb hobbies - PHOTOBOMB

Photobombing is where people (usually strangers) are taking a picture and you jump into the frame against their will or knowing and you know, mess up the photo. Here are some examples:

Still angry about slavery after all these years...

That woman in the back makes me...shudder
Animals can do it too!
Lord Satan commands your soul!!!

Ugggghh....




God pulls a photo bomb

wtfffff


They thought he washed away with the sea, but Roscoe Scumdriller showed up a month later in this photo at a random party...

Dad doesn't approve of his drinking ...
Watch yo back man!





I dunno whether the old dude slinking about in the back or the pig's head is creepier...

Ha! Serves him one...

Some photobombs are totally staged, or terribly lame (or AWESOME) photoshop jobs

At first I was like huh? Then I looked closer and was like "oh yeah, I see now"


The Governator gets photobombed!





I believe this to be alt rock legend Nick Cave?




Creativity for the win

WELL THAT'S IT THIS TIME AROUND, MORE PHOTOBOMBS TO ENSUE IN THE FUTURE~!