Friday, June 19, 2015

Logan's Run Film Review

LOGAN's RUN FILM REVIEW:
                    It is the Future. People live inside of a small model city over top a crappy swimming pool. Inside the city it's pretty much a bigass shopping mall. Folks wear silly red and green and yellow costumes. When a light in their hand flashes and they've reached the age of 30, they have to put on a hockey mask and get blown up and killed by fireworks inside of a big lecture hall while everyone else watches and claps and cheers. For people who want to escape this fate, you have to go out some secret route to escape the city into the real world. This involves going through a love shop while a bunch of naked people clamour all over you and try to seduce you. Then you face people with crappy glowing spears and you have to convince them yr legit, then you have to run down all these submarine boiler room tunnels full of giant sized fish tanks. Then you have to go through these ice caves and face some goofy big slow robot that wants to kill you and preserve you for food. Then you crawl out of some cave hole into wooded lands and the ruins of Washington. There you'll find a crazy old man living with his many cats and cracking nuts with a nutcracker all day. That's pretty much as good as it gets, unless you decide to go all the way back from whence you came. Maybe your old friend will attack you and you'll accidentally kill him with the American flag. Maybe you'll sneak back into the city thru some water intake and then rant and rave like a lunatic as the whole city laughs at you and you are captured and interrogated by some icy bitch computer. If you pretend like you're taking a constipated shit hard enough and resist the computer well enough you'll short circuit it and the whole system- and the whole city will start to blow up and crumble. Everyone will scream and escape. Then, outside, they will see the crazy old nutcracking cat man and everyone will have a chance to gather 'round him and fondle his beard. THE END