Season's Cretins

Re: Santa/Satan

Evil Santa by Rhyn Williams on DeviantART

Remembering something good at this time of year :   http://fox-actors.blogspot.com/2011/12/santa-satan.html

Van Gogh Trip Out

Death Valley Blooms

It's easy to see where Death Valley might have got its name. This valley, located in the Mojave Desert in California, is the lowest and most dry place in all of North America. A scorching 57 degrees Celsius was recorded in Death Valley once, the HOTTEST SURFACE AIR TEMPERATURE EVER RECORDED IN THE WORLD. The area is also not JUST valley. There are some high peaks that you could amply freeze your butt off during winter, say. Despite all of this sounding quite inhospitable, Death Valley can teem with life. There are all sorts of birds, mammals, reptiles, amphibians, fish, insects and plants-all of which have adapted gracefully to make Death Valley their home. When a rare significant rainfall comes, explosions of flower blooms are known to happen, such as in these pictures:

 

 

Why This November 13th Is Gonna Kick So Much Ass

Lately I've noticed one thing after another that some cool things are going to go down on the 13th.

Firstly, it'll be a new moon, and there will be a total solar eclipse in the Southern Hemisphere. You can see some of the technical shit in the footage above. If you've heard of a solar eclipse but don't know exactly what it is, basically it's a special time when the moon passes in between the earth and sun and appears large enough in the trajectory to blot out almost all the sun. It should look kinda like this (but you should witness a live one with special eclipse-viewing protective glasses) :

Many ancient folk beliefs attach great significance or power to a solar eclipse.  Usually it is seen as an omen or as a time to be careful. Certain superstitions, such as avoiding chopping vegetables, staying indoors, bathing in holy water and so forth have been known. In the Far East, particularly China, belief has it that a great serpent or dragon is devouring the sun around the time of an eclipse. People would bang pots and pans or drums and attempt to scare the dragon away. The Ancient Egyptians would say the sun god Ra was being subdued by the evil serpent god Apep, though Ra would always escape once the eclipse was over. The Norse would say the sun goddess Sol was dangerously close to being eaten by the great fearsome wolf Sköll. When Ragnarök, or Armageddon would come, Sol would actually be caught and eaten, and the eclipse would last and a great flood and darkness would consume the Earth. The Twilight of the Gods and the last great battle would take place.

Also on Nov. 13th, the tenth and final volume of collected issues of Scalped will come out. Like most titles from Vertigo comics, it's real solid. The story is about Dashiell Bad Horse, a Native American man who returns to his destitute and poverty ridden Reservation after many years, where no one knew much of what he was doing. He becomes entangled in a web of deceit and power between the corrupt gangster/tribal leader Red Crow, the FBI, Red Crow's daughter (a love interest), the sheriff from the nearest town outside the Reserve, and others..including even Dash's own mother.  I think the storytelling and art are great, and I'm sort of in a cliffhanger moment of reading, just itching to see the conclusion of the whole thing.

See that cool creepy looking skull-elk above? That kinda reminds me of the cover of Soundgarden's 'King Animal', which, you guessed it, also comes out on the 13th!

This will be their first studio album in 16 years, since they dissolved for the majority of that time (amicably)..and only more recently reunited. Out of the thousands of bands I've heard, Soundgarden stands out at the top of the heap. If I was forced at gunpoint to choose a favorite band, it's them. They find the perfect balance between bitter and sweet, loud and quiet, accessible and weird, and almost every other pair of opposites you could think of. To me, if you were to take all the legendary classic rock groups like The Beatles, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, etc. and condense them into a one super essence of awesomeness, adding in a few more elements for spice, that would be Soundgarden.  All members are really good at their respective roles in the band, and pretty much all are multi-instrumentalists and songwriters, adding so much depth and dimension to the music. They are multicultural- passing through their ranks over the years is a mix of Japanese, East Indian, Irish, Jewish, American, and more. Also, they formed in my birth year, 1984! A 'desert island album' is an album you could listen to over and over while marooned on a desert island, without getting sick of it. My desert island pick out of all music out there  is 'Superunknown', which SG released in 1994. When I saw them live after they reunited, I was blown away. Suffice to say although 'King Animal' may not be as cool as 'Superunknown', it'll definitely be worth hearing and buying.

 

ABOVE: If you can't read the tiny print it says (clockwise from left): Chris Cornell, Matt Cameron, Ben Shepherd, Kim Thayil-SG's most notable lineup

Soundgarden the day they broke up (haha..I bet)

 Another cool album is coming out on the 13th, 'Koi No Yokan' by the Deftones.

Dig that trippy art..

Deftones have been purveying their unique brand of alternative metal since the mid 90's. They get better with age, I think, like a fine wine. 'Koi No Yokan' translates from Japanese to mean: "go feed your fucking koi fish, before they die alone and cold in the pond." Just kidding. It loosely translates as a feeling that you know you'll fall in love or have your destiny intertwined with someone you just met. Kinda like the English 'love at first sight' saying, but deeper. I hope this one grabs me as love at first listen. Also send your prayers and good vibes to original bassist Chi Cheng, still recovering from a traumatic car accident since 2008.

 So I'm sure more cool shit will happen on the 'Lucky 13th', but this is all I can think of in the meantime!

Ghost, The Band

Ok, so here's the cover of Opus Eponymous, the only album (so far) by the Swedish metal band Ghost. I saw this album randomly, and I was like "cool cover". It appears to be an homage to the artwork for the horror movie 'Salem's Lot'. 'Ghost' is also such a simple name but it's cool too. I found out the band was fronted by a certain Papa Emeritus, who dresses like a ghoulish bishop from Hell and no one can confirm his identity 100%. He's backed by equally mysterious 'Nameless Ghouls' on guitars, bass, drums, and keys, garbed out like wraiths. So there's this Residents like mystique going on. Alright? Still intrigued? I was. I saw a couple of live vids, and 'Papa' was into his role well, he seemed naturally in it and not doing over the top cheezy acting. The music seemed pretty good. Then I decided to actually listen to the album proper.

It starts with the track 'Deus Culpa'. You know, and I know, that Latin sounds pretty cool at least 90% of the time, and it's a great language for cool sounding song titles. So this opening track is just some organ noodling, but it does much to set the mood for things. I was still intrigued. BOOM. Track 2/'Con Clavi Con Dio' comes blasting in, sounding kinda like heavy desert rock-ish QOTSA-ish greatness. "Luciferrrrrrrrrrr..........we are here" 'Papa' 'sings', and this is the part where I roll my eyes and go "oh brother!" His singing isn't horrible, but it's a hint of nasal and whiny enough to be like, wow you suck man. Plus, Lucifer? The whole metal Satan worship cliche has been ridden so hard it's just a big joke. The rest of the album continues with some riffage that is either pretty normal sounding, or standout enough to be interesting, but the whole thing is just RUINED by fucking cheezy lyrics and singing. The bonus track for the JP version, a cover of the Beatles' 'Here Comes The Sun' was actually pretty neat. It's lame when the bonus track is better than the rest of the album!! But back to "Luciferrrrr". I mean, Satan worship isn't my cup of tea, but even if it were, couldn't these guys be less cliche and boring about it?? Couldn't they be REALLY fucking scary and intense, like maybe as scary as being buried alive with a rattlesnake in the coffin, or intense as Slipknot on steroids or something? I went to their website, which seemed like it had good design to it, but then you see like these little corporate icon links all across the top: Myspace, Facebook, Last FM, Twitter, Vimeo, YouTube.

Ok, so you want to promote a band a bit. But then again, way to kill your whole mysterious image that almost was cool enough. Because these servants of the Prince of Darkness are 'tweeting'.. you know? Click the Twitter link and 'Papa' begins almost every single tweet with "Children (!)"...and then says blah blah blah vote for us or get ready for us to come tour your country or whatever. Right, so badass. Remember when selling your soul to the Devil for fame was enough?
Old Scratch, he'd look after it all, you know? You wouldn't have to beg for votes or likes or do all this posting and tweeting nonsense. Imagine how sinister Dracula would be if he stopped mid bite to tweet what he was doing? Tweeting and all that shit has no place for true servants of evil! Or, one could argue that corporate stuff is extra evil, therefore the corporate links are in line with that. Or maybe Ghost is kinda trying to be humorous or tongue in cheek. I hope they are, because if they are not, I'm about as afraid of them as I am of a little cute schoolgirl with a dolly in a frilly pink dress.

What's the matter Papa? Fruit punch making you woozy?

Oh, and you know if you click the YouTube or Vimeo links, it doesn't bring you to Ghost's channel or whatever? It just brings you to the normal sites, as if you didn't fucking know they were there to begin with. And you have to type in a search for Ghost related shit, square one style.  If you go to the 'Tour' or 'News' parts of the Ghost site, you see what you'd expect. Click 'Press', and it has nothing to do with newspaper type press, it's just a high res version of the Ghost logo you can download.
Neat! I can make bootleg t-shirts, and all the profits can go to my favorite local CHRISTIAN organization or charity (bahaha!) 'Contact' just gives you a slew of management/booking/label/legal/publicity/accounting contacts. Nowhere to contact Satan, that'd be cool you know? At least for their Satan loving fans. Also on the Contact page is a bunch of more links to partners and businesses. There's also a heading under the Contact page for 'Endorsement [:] Coming soon' !
As if there is not enough fucking corporate shit and namedrops to wade through there. Oh, and then there's a 'Coven' email address to ask them boolshit questions. I wonder if they even know what a coven is?

The last part of the site is 'About', which is a 100% totally blank page. Ooh, the mystery. It IS prolly still cooler than if they blabbered on and on about lords of darkness and yadda yadda. Ghost sucks!

I dunno, maybe I'm being too harsh on Ghost. They succeeded in getting my attention way longer than so many stupid black/doom/death/devil metal bands out there.

'Ptrckhale4' was quoted on YouTube as saying : "Haters gonna hate. All I can say is these guys are doing a world tour. What is your shitty garage band doing?"
 I guess he has somewhat of a point. Still, I kinda like my shitty garage band, and Ghost seem to be only good in my mind if I don't take them seriously at all.

A very cool pic. One thing I'll give them credit for, good costumes.

Ok, these guys GOTTA be tongue in cheek...with a photo like this. Still won't convince me they are more awesome than say, T00L or Type O Negative..

Cool Shit I Have (Or Have Had)

 Well, first of all, this blog is supposed to be very pro 'eye' and anti 'I'. Meaning I am to display random wonders of the world and life at large over talking about all the dumb stuff I did during the day and what sort of toilet paper I use. It's impossible for someone to not have SOME aspect of their personality bleed into their work. I still think the anti-boring and anti-narcissistic balance will have been maintained if I occasionally talk a bit more personally. So I'm going to relate to you some really really cool shit I have, which brings me to the second point: I'm not really that materialist. However, I can and do dig some neat things that happen to be solid and in my care at least one point in time. Just don't expect me to die in the fire trying to save all my shit, no matter HOW cool it is:

• Atlantic Lobster :

    My friend gave me a lobster as a gift once! He got it shipped in a special styrofoam container and it was still alive! I had the choice to keep it as a pet or eat it. Actually I think it died in the cold freezer before I could make the choice. I guess that's almost the closest you could get to a pain free death for the bugger, and when I ate him damn was it all so delicious.

• Whale's Tooth 

Continuing with the maritime theme, my granpa got some bigass whale tooth (feels like a rock) from a Norwegian fisherman, I think when he was in the Navy ages ago. It got passed on to my pops and it's kinda mine at the same time.

• 1938 Canadian Nickel

I like collecting foreign money or money that is super old. This is the oldest coin I have, which is 74 years old! This was just before World War II ! Kinda neat when you think about it, how many hands it probably passed through. It's like a museum piece in the pocket. If it were of a special printing and condition, it'd be worth about $15, 000 ! I'm guessing this particular one I have is only worth a couple of dollars though..

• Merkaba  

This is a little crystal or quartz thingy I received because the 'Universe willed it so' at some Native American stand at a festival. See, they were selling traditional crafts and all this New Age shit. I found the merkaba in a bin full of rough quartz stones. I asked if it was the same price. The owners said it was not, it was usually like $15 instead of a few bucks, but it found its way into there because it was destined for me, or so they said, and they charged the cheapo price. Now seriously, what the hell is a merkaba? It has roots in Jewish mysticism and sacred geometry. It's supposed to be this special shape that is very balancing and healing and connects us with higher realms. We are supposed to have a type of aura shaped like a merkaba. Etymology wise, mer=light ka=spirit ba=soul.

• Easy Rider Jacket

My dear friend April gave me an awesome fringy motorcycle jacket like the one Dennis Hopper used in Easy Rider. Mine was likely made by true tribal craftsfolk, the 'buttons' were actually pointy nubs made of antelope horn (my guess) that hook through small loops. This thing kinda reminds me of a bird, and my spirit totem is supposed to be a hawk so it makes sense. It's the 'freedom' jacket!

• Novelty Tins

This may seem kinda dumb or unremarkable compared to the other stuff, but I have these candy tins shaped like giant M&M's or Pac Man ghosts. They make good containers for things like guitar picks....which brings me to..

• Guitar Shorty Pick

So if you don't know who Guitar Shorty is, he's another blues legend. According to him, the reason people might not know is " 'cos they don't read no more"  -he was talking specifically about kids these days. He inspired Hendrix, and back in his heyday he was known to do backflips onstage and play guitar with his teeth or behind his head (Hendrix obviously took some inspiration!). Supposedly Hendrix would sneak away with his sis and her boyfriend to attend Shorty concerts.  I saw Shorty at a Blues Fest and met him after, and he gave me some picks. I only have one now. Want a pic of the pick? It's just some green pick with a tiny Guitar Shorty signature. A pic of Shorty himself is much cooler. But yeah, the pick actually makes me shred better, it has some mojo worked into it.

• Giant Fake Diamond

I think this is just made of glass. But I can pretend it's legit and be all silly about it, like the diamond is a bigger deal than the Koh-I-Noor diamond. It'd also be funny to give to any gold diggers I meet. Or if I really get bored I'll smash it with a sledgehammer.

• Chinese Hell Books/ Hell Money

Yumm. My first encounter with a Chinese 'hell book' was in a Chinese supermarket. Where they had little wire cagey stands with free newspapers there were a buncha free little yellow books called 'Journeys to the Underworld'. I was like "cool!" and took one. It was basically rooted in the Chinese folkloric belief in Diyu, or their version of Hell, and was like a Chinese version of 'Dante's Inferno,' but updated for some modern sins such as a special place in Hell for drunk drivers, ie. Much later I got a bigger hell book, still free, but this time with full color illustrations (boy!) You can see one of the actual pics above. Now..for hell money.  It's this money you can buy in pretty much any Chinatown, a whole stack for roughly a dollar. It's usually laced with certain chemicals so that when you burn it, the flame is green and all spooky and ethereal. The idea is that when you burn it, it's like offerings or 'bail money' for your uncle Tommy in Hell. Hey, at least with the mythological Chinese Hell you can actually get people out or have them do their time in a finite way, not stay there for ETERNITY.

800 million Hell Dollars, yeehah. Still, it'll take only 8000000000000000000000000 dollars to atone for uncle Tommy's horrible porn addiction and 'other' sins

• Green Man Painting

It started as my old girlfriend's dream: there was crazy killer weather and the Gods were upset. She learned that in order to appease them, she had to paint a picture of the Green Man and then smash the painting. The Green Man is a folkloric figure going back to the ancient druids, he can symbolize both benevolent and hostile aspects of nature. When she woke up, she found a picture online that looked exactly like the painting in the dream, and painted a REAL painting, and gave it to me as a gift. I asked if I should smash it, like in the dream, but she said not yet, I guess the Gods aren't pissed enough. Besides, it's a great work of art. As a bonus, it doubles as a drum. It's canvas stretched over a frame, so you can thump on it and get this ominous low boom going on. The eyes of the Green Man vibrate and hypnotize you if you stare into them.

• Rock(s) Of Power

 I have all sorts of cool rocks, fossils, smoothed over bits of glass, metals, minerals, and the like. Here's just a few of them:

 Notable ones in this frame: The lowermost left is the perfectly round 'Giant Killer', a charmed stone. To the right of it is an Stone of Seeing, note how it looks like an eye. The top rightmost is petrified reptile skin.

• Les Medallions, Top Brass etc.

The reddish one I like to nickname the 'Dracula Medallion'. I just randomly found it lying on the ground outside. I also have these buttons off of dead colonial soldier's coats, a museum was selling them off ridiculously cheap to raise some funds.

• Old Books / Crystal Skull

 The Crystal Skull is actually just a glass tribute to the REAL crystal archaeological skulls found mysteriously throughout time in random places around the world. About 13 have been found, and there are no signs that hand tools were involved in making them. So this thing is actually just a cool gimmicky bottle for 'Crystal Head' brand vodka, which is triple distilled through special diamonds and made using super pure spring water yadda yadda. It's basically high quality vodka in a real cool drinking vessel. Now the books I've decided to include with the skull because they are in the same shot. Basically, I have a lot of a cool books, many which are old, REALLY old. This shelf is kind of my preservation ledge for them.

• Funky Glasses

Ok, so maybe this one is not THAT remarkable, because I'm pretty sure almost everyone has a funky/silly glasses collection. But I dunno it's fun.

• Hunting Targets and Things

 This one's kinda funny. I was at the hunting store and got some metal slingshot pellets for my slingshots, and I bought this funny looking bear hunting target. It's this scratchy burlap cloth that could double as a blanket if you wanted. The guy at the store was a bit like "uhhhh, you're not going to hunt BEARS with a slingshot are you?" Bahaha!

• Ninja Swords

Aright, maybe these aren't 'real' 'ninja' 'swords', (ha), but they are pretty legit bokken, which are Japanese wooden swords used for practice- or even kicking someone's ass for real. I'll prolly use them to bludgeon zombies.

• Neck trappings (Pendants) of Power

Here are two of my most 'power worthy' necklaces. The first is the 'Eternal Serpent/Silver Dragon' one. The jade intertwining Celtic style double serpents showed up out of nowhere where my old girlfriend was living and no one had any clue as to the source. I had found in some back alleys something among the rubbish that was put out. It was a small chest of trinkets and things. Most of it was unremarkable, but the dragon pendant of real silver was a good keepsake. Both were made into one necklace by my old gf, and she gave it to me as a gift. According to the 'Native horoscope', my sign is the serpent. I'm a bit skeptical about astrology but in the least there's some fun or truth in it. At first I was like "aw, snakes suck!" But they said the serpent sign was the most attuned to the ethereal realms and most shamanic or healer like, and I can actually relate to that.

The bone necklace is a joke, I ate a bunch of shortribs at a restaurant buffet and saved the cool looking bones. I boiled the grease out of them and cleaned them and gutted the marrow and made them into a necklace. For an added touch, I lightly burned some stripes into it. I like it because people think it's so special or neat and maybe think it's like hyena bones or something and then I tell them it's just leftovers from an all you can eat, haha!

• Cap'n Ahab Spyglass

Another cool oceanic artifact left from my grandfather, it's a totally legit Moby Dick style mini telescope thing.

• Book From Inside Wall

Perhaps I could bunch this in with 'old books' mentioned a bit earlier in this piece. My pal Al was doing reno work in an old house, and found this journal style book in the wall, all cobweb laden and everything. The thing has to be as old as the 30's, it seems. I can use it for a lyric book or something.

• Other stuff: I have other cool shizz, like a 100+ year old piano, a weird studded guitar from the 60's, and so forth. What I have mentioned mostly in this article has stood out the greatest. If I reckon on enough more cool stuff maybe there will be a part II of this article forthcoming.