If you were to transport a 'damsel in distress' of the typical kind today back into the lands of lore, legend, and antiquity, you'd find her kidnapped by the mean local dragon (as is the usual shtick). The valiant knight would come to the dragon's lair, defeat the dragon, and win his 'prize' of the lady.
But she would require psychological counseling for the trauma she suffered by the dragon. She would have emotional outbursts and call the knight names and maybe even hit him. She'd want to find her makeup case she probably dropped in the dragon's cave, and if there was a big goldpile (aka 'pile o' bling') left in that cave she'd want full entitlement to. Even that pile would not be good enough. She'd nag the knight into constantly buying her more trinkets, and shoes. She would have the dragon's hide made into a purse. She would get plastic surgery to remove any scars or burn marks the dragon might have given her, and enhance her bust a few sizes. She'd flirt with all the other knights in the land. She would scream and throw vases and precious relics against the wall. If the knight was 5 minutes late, she'd accuse him of being disloyal and cheating. She would blame all her problems on her upbringing and call her father the king a bastard...and even blame the king for her kidnapping by the dragon's whim. She'd have paranoid nightmares about the dragon still being alive and invest lots of money in fire insurance. She'd sell the knight's precious sword forged almost as one with his soul just so she could have even more money to play around with. She would buy disgusting looking knickknacks at the local flea market or dollar store and decorate (oop I mean desecrate) the abode with them. She would spread useless gossip and get countless people, including herself, in trouble. The knight would have to fight this trouble off from time to time. She'd spit on peasants working hard in the hot sun, and complain the weather's always to cold or too hot.She would pressure the knight to give her babies, screaming dirty whining little kids (they would be brats since they'd undoubtedly take after their mother).
Ask yourself this, modern day knights. Culture has lead you to believe from almost birth you have to be Mr.Macho and rescue any beautiful damsel in distress and make her yours. Do you think it would be worth it? Is it really 'happily ever after'? Many knights in shining armor have rather been said to be retards in tin foil. True, but also remember many bejeweled dazzling princesses are actually just cheap costume rental fake diamond bitches.
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